TIPS FOR NEGOTIATING SEX IN MARRIAGE.

TIPS FOR NEGOTIATING SEX IN MARRIAGE.

Negotiating sex with a more experienced and confident spouse can be difficult and awkward especially for young partner. There’s tendency for you to gain confidence as you get older thus, making it a lot easier to negotiate with your lover about your desires and wants. An older partner can be very vulnerable due to divorce/separation or coming out of long term relationships and hooking up with new lovebirds.

The Importance of sex negotiation in marriage can’t be downplayed; imagine feeling aroused, but going to a spouse becomes a problem because of some preconceived reservation (perhaps stereotypical)  about whether he/she will be game.

Inasmuch as sexual intimacy is important in marriage, it’s equally vital to respect one another’s sexual boundaries because no couples will have the same sexual desires: or it’s possible you do but on different levels.

Here’s how to negotiate your sexual desires with your significant other when you’re not on the same page for greater intimacy, hotter sex and more fulfilling relationships.

* Start by having an honest conversation about your feelings, beliefs, comfort zones and limits if you really want to have the best sex ever in your life.

Understand that it’s normal for a couple not to always have the same sexual desires or maybe you do but at different times. Discuss options for having a sexual encounter that works for the two of you; your lover is ready and you are not interested. Making you think on how to be aroused by thinking through what you want and approach your spouse about sex in a straightforward manner while being equally thoughtful in responding to your guy/bae approaches and be open to negotiating an outcome that will be beneficial to you two.

* Be sure to give your partner a heads-up about what you want to discuss, it’s important to give him/her time to think about the issue. Set a time for the talk to enable your partner enough time to think through his/her thoughts.

* Express What You Want- This should be first objective to talk about what you want romantically, your concerns/fears, sex life in an open negotiation. Individually, the two of you should be able to clearly explain why your preference is important to you.

* Give each other the opportunity to express his/her preference without interruption. Talk about it, if feeling anxious/angry or step back to reflect.

* Be sure to make a plan that works for both of you- The best outcome is a plan that is responsive to the concerns expressed by both of you. Be clear and direct about how you wished to engage sex.

* Try being proactive in negotiating your sexual relationship and creating a satisfying sexual relationship. Ongoing talk about sexual issues requires considerable self-reflection, this is the way to ensure that you’re creating the sexually satisfying relationship you both want.

You can say “no” to your lovebird without damaging the relationship. Do this by negotiating sexual boundaries in an open and honest way that helps you say no to your spouse without damaging your relationship. It pays when both of you are on the same page; your sexual life will be more connected and fulfilled.

* Know your sexual wants/preferences- It’s really important for you to have a strong understanding of your own sexual desires; what you like and don’t like. See that everybody has sexual activities they enjoy and are comfortable with and share with your lovebird. The more aware he/she is of your desires, the more likely he or she will include them as a regular part of your sexual activity.

* Talk about what you are willing to indulge in- Having expressed your likes and dislikes, talk about what you’re willing to do simply because him/her enjoys it. Doing this makes sexual activity more interesting and enjoyable also for you.

*Talk about those things you are interested in trying, and note that there’s a difference between what you’re willing to do and what you’re willing to try, under the right setting.

Whatever sexual act you’re uncomfortable with, worried or not sure about, talk about such activity including what it will take to get you to give it a try.

* No pressure- Be comfortable saying no as there are undoubtedly going to be stuff you and your spouse may not want to engage in. Although some things will never be on the table but others may change over a period of time.

* Determine the frequency of your sex life- One of the biggest disconnects couples often face, is how regularly they copulate; one person may seem ready all the time while it can take longer time for the other mate. You can actually create a schedule if it’s something you’re willing to stick to, or you both can settle for a spontaneous love making.

* Be specific about your desires- Knowing how you want to feel, the kinds of sexual, erotic or intimate activities that bring you those feelings, is a great place to start the talk with your man/woman. How you like to feel or be touched and how to create experiences that will entwine the things you would both like to feel, are a good place to start from.

The options are truly endless but it’s essential that before entering into any alternative arrangement, that everything is on the table for discussion and should be talked about, consented to and agreed by all parties involved.

Exploring what turns you on during negotiation can  help open new levels of intimacy and sexual intensity. Remember that open communication and mutual respect are essential ingredients in this case.

One of the most powerful ways to negotiate is by expressing some sexual acts you’ve fantasized about with your spouse by using safe words. You can use the traffic light to express your thoughts about intercourse. The red, yellow or green signals system is a common easy method that can be used easily.

* Green- Keep moving, ‘let’s try that one soon’.  

* Yellow- slow down, though intrigued, but can’t guarantee I’ll like it .

* Red- No. Stop. I will jump this.

* Sexual tasting menu- You and your lovebird can use this method as a sexual framework for discussing what you would like to explore and experiment together; for instance what you may want for appetizers- first course, second course, third course and lastly the desserts. So any time you want some fun time, communicate what you both may prefer putting on the tasting menu.

Options are readily available, it is important before entering any kind of arrangement that you’re sure everything is on the table for discussion, be talked about, consented to and agreed by you and your spouse.

Negotiate lovemaking the same way you negotiate other issues in your relationship and if it happened that the above ways don’t work for you, see a Sex therapist/coach!