QUESTIONS ❓ ANSWERS ❗

Dear Adesuwa,

Why is it very hard to get into a relationship?

  Bayo, Lagos

Hello Bayo,

 It’s quite easy for some people to fall in love but not so for others; and if you happen to be in the latter group, and wondering the reason it’s so hard to get into a relationship,  just know  you’re not alone on this journey. Many singles are yet to find love.

 There are multiple reasons for this. You would’ve been told, that “Love happens when you least expect it,” which implies that the right person will come to you when you stop looking.

Not true! Love is oftentimes something you need to actively pursue, finding it can be difficult. If you don’t look for a quality relationship, you won’t find it. You will end with what’s available or nothing at all.

Make dating and opening yourself to new connections a priority. This will allow you to find love but, if after doing this you still can’t find that special someone, here are some potential reasons why you’re getting what you want.

• You’re Afraid Of Committing- Labels can terrify some people but for others, the uncertainty of where the relationship stands is also scary.

Recognize that fear in order to get over it.

• Possible you’re not ready to settle down.

While you might like the idea of getting into a relationship, it requires a lot of time and effort. Some people aren’t necessarily willing to put in the effort. Some people aren’t necessarily willing to put in an effort and if you find yourself wanting out every time things get serious, then you’re likely one of those people. It may be a passing phase.

• Overly Picky- When someone is overly picky, they tend to operate from a place of fear.

• Been hurt before/went through a brutal breakup/have been burned by a crush: you may be so afraid of having your feelings hurt that you don’t want to put yourself out there at all.

• Feeling pressure from family because all your friends are in relationships.

Relationship is not a test, or a race, to see how fast you can find a new love; you  can go on a dating hiatus, focus on yourself. And you can stop dating for a while in order to strategize.

• Might be chasing the wrong type of people. People often fall into self-sabotaging patterns or attract the wrong type of person without even realizing it.

Finally, there is no one right answer that fits all. While it may be hard to get into a relationship, if you feel like you’re putting yourself out there with no success, then it’s time to look within or see a professional.

Dear Adesuwa,

How can l have a cucumber-like-shaped penis?

 Alex, Abuja.

Hello Alex,

Your manhood can be large with one partner and smaller with another; it all depends on the size of your lover’s body.

Also, what you do and how you use your Mr. P is what really counts, not the size of it. There are some suitable sex styles for your kind of Mr. P which enable you give as much pleasure as possible to your babe.

Be proud of what you have and focus on making it work well.

If you’re unsatisfied with your penile length and girth, see your doctor if you consider enlargement surgery which is not recommended unless in extreme cases of micropenis or other functional issues.

For a guy with a normal penis, the risk is enormous; this can be complicated, ineffective and can cause real harm to men.

……..TO BE CONTINUED

SissyAde is an Integrative sex therapist/relationship coach/sex columnist and a family speaker who works globally.

She enjoys sewing when not working!