SEXMATICS QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

• 
• QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Dear Adesuwa,

She is 58 years old. Each time we indulge in a sexual act, she is always dry. What lubricant do you recommend?

-Osakwe, Abuja

Dear Osakwe,

For vaginal dryness, especially during menopause, consider the following lubricant options:

1. Water-based lubricants: Gentle, non-irritating, and easy to clean up like K-Y Jelly or Astroglide.

2. Silicone-based lubricants: Long-lasting and waterproof.

3. Oil-based lubricants: Natural options like coconut oil or vitamin E oil can be used, but may not be suitable for all skin types.

When choosing a lubricant, Opt for: -hypoallergenic and fragrance-free options.

-Look for lubricants with a pH balance close to the natural vaginal pH.

Dear Adesuwa,

I have been following with keen interest your Sunday Vanguard’s column:

Could you kindly suggest an effective drug for Erectile Dysfunction?

-Toko, Abuja 

Dear Toko,

For erectile dysfunction, it’s best to consult a healthcare professional for personalized advice. They can recommend suitable treatments, including medications like sildenafil (Viagra) or tadalafil (Cialis), or other options like therapy or lifestyle changes.

Dear Adesuwa,

I read your article where you talk about smiling. I have 4 questions:

1. If couples do not love themselves, can smiling change their mood.      

2. For couples who always fight each other, can smiling change their mood.      

3. I have one sister and her husband always beats her, in this situation, can smiling change it.                  

  4. Love and money, which of them comes first.

-Daniel, Delta 

Dear Daniel,

Here are some potential solutions and insights:

1. Smiling can indeed impact the mood: research suggests smiling releases endorphins, which can improve mood. However, if underlying issues like self-love are lacking, smiling alone might not be enough. Couples could explore self-care, self-compassion, and therapy to address deeper concerns.

2. Smiling can help diffuse tension and create a more positive atmosphere. Couples could try incorporating smiling and laughter into their interactions. Addressing underlying issues through communication, empathy, and conflict resolution strategies would also be beneficial.

3. No, smiling is not a solution for domestic violence. If your sister is experiencing abuse, prioritize her safety. Encourage her to seek help from trusted resources like:

– National Domestic Violence Hotline

– Law enforcement

– Coaches/therapists

4. This is complex as money can’t buy love, financial stability can reduce stress. Love and relationships involve emotional connection, trust, and mutual support. Prioritizing communication, empathy, and understanding can help couples navigate financial challenges together.

Dear Adesuwa,

Your post on “Embracing The Power  Of Self-Love.” It’s thought-provoking and it brings inner joy, confidence, lasting peace of mind.

But does “Self Love” in any way counter loving  your neighbour first?

-Ubulu, Imo 

Dear Ubulu,

Self-love and loving your neighbour aren’t mutually exclusive; they can complement each other. Self-love focuses on self-acceptance, self-care, and self-worth, while loving your neighbour involves kindness, empathy, and compassion towards others.

 By prioritizing self-care and self-worth, you become more confident and resilient, enabling you to build stronger relationships and contribute positively to your community. Embracing both aspects, we can foster a balanced, compassionate, and loving approach to life.

Dear Adesuwa,

I lost my job for almost a year and my wife has been paying all the bills because she works. This has affected her libido as she is always tired for intercourse.

I’m seriously considering cheating on my wife

-Ortega, Lagos

Dear Otega,

Here are some potential steps to resolve the issue:

1. Communication: Couple should have an open and honest conversation about their feelings, concerns, and needs.

2. Acknowledge your wife’s efforts and express gratitude for her support during your job loss.

3. Teamwork: can you explore ways to manage stress/fatigue, like sharing household chores or finding ways to recharge.

4. Discuss ways to maintain intimacy despite fatigue, such as scheduling quality time together or finding relaxing activities.

5. Job search: Focus on finding new job opportunities, which may help restore your confidence and contribute to the household.

6. Self-reflection: you should reflect on why you are considering infidelity and address any underlying issues.

7. Seeking professional help can help provide tools to navigate this challenging period and strengthen your union.

Dear adesuwa,

Please what are the benefits of having sex? And what are the benefits of abstaining from sex?

What are the side effects of not having sex?

-Segun Lagos

Dear Segun,

Having sex offers benefits like improved cardiovascular health, lower stress, quality sleep, a stronger immune system, better mood, and  a boost in self esteem/confidence while abstaining from sex can prevent pregnancy, sexual transmitted diseases, and for a few, abstinence can reduce stress if sex was previously a source of pain or obligation and also it can be a healthy personal choice.

The side effects of not having sex can lead to a feeling of frustration, boredom, loneliness, or a lack of intimacy especially if sex is desire and sometimes strain relationships.

Meet SissyAde, a renowned Sex Therapist & Coach dedicated to nurturing meaningful relationships and marriages. 

With expertise in Sex Therapy, Relationship Coaching, and more, SissyAde empowers individuals and couples to build healthy, fulfilling connections that work globally, fostering love and collaboration.